Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
