I faked an abortion last night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
