"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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