I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
