So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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