Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
