I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
