Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
