It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
