What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
