Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
