Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
