Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
