just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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