Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
