Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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