That's intense
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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