you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
