there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
