Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
