Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
