I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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