My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
