My hair reeks of homosexuality.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
