I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
