Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
