I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
