I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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