It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
