I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
