when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
