Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
