So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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