Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
