I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
