I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
