i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
