the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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