Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
