I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
