you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
