Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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