So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
