That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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