I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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