I don't think brook has ever known best
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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