my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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