Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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