so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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