Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
