; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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