If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
