peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
