like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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