I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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