i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
3pm strippers are depressing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
