i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
