On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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