he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
