Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
