Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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