Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
