Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
