Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
