my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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