You're completely useless in the revolution.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
soo... how was my night?
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