i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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