I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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