she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
