I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
