here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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