she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
