My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
