K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
